Verbal Diarrhoea

Ever heard of the concept of "Verbal Diarrhoea" (henceforth referred to as VD)? Well I am sure you have and if you haven't then read on, cause you just might be suffering from it. The concept is very simple and is astoundingly similar to its namesake disease. The funny part though is how similar and yet different it is from the medical condition. The similarity is that in both the cases, there's shit all over the place but that is where the difference start. Because once you are done, in the medical condition you feel relieved no matter how short the duration, but in case of VD, buddy you are so screwed!

Now I do not consider myself a Phd in this particular topic but I have gained experience far beyond an average person thanks to my extensive experimentation with the subject. They say that accepting the fact that one is in a denial phase is half the war won. Well I would like to step up and say, "Yes! I am suffering from VD!" Chandler Bing makes it amusing and to a certain extent cute, but in real life its not such a pretty scene. Though I have noticed, that when relating an incident of VD, the audience is usually in splits. (By the way, in case you don't now who Chandler Bing is, google it!)

My friends know what I am taking about. I have given it a lot of thought and I believe there is a solution. Count to 10 before uttering each sentence, sort of like Atal Bihari Bajpayee, our erstwhile Prime Minister. Your listeners would be so bloody bored that they wouldn't give shit about the shit you are throwing. Or better yet just don't speak. Though the best option is to find someone who can stand your VD and stop you when you are at the verge of an attack.

You'll notice that once you have started understanding the symptoms, you can actually curb this problem. For instance, let's say by some miracle you have managed to crack a joke and actually got people laughing. Now if you are not good at a sequel, do not attempt following up on the joke. And if you had an abysmal effect with the first joke itself, do not attempt a comeback (this is a precautionary measure to all my fellow patients)! Its a sure shot way to leap into the endless pit of VD. Worse is the situation when you realize that you have just raped the joke, no one is laughing and just to save your face, you are still talking, trying to revive it, trying desperately to squeeze a little squeak from one of your listeners. But, within a couple of minutes you have gone into a spiral loop and every word you utter is making the condition fatal. That is a point of no return. May your soul rest in peace.

Now I contemplated citing a couple of my personal favourite cases of VD, but I think I shall give it a pass tonight. Each of them was an embarrassment beyond comprehension and some day I shall relate a few. But for now, I have understood the problem and things have improved a lot. I now try to keep my stupid mouth shut.