Chemical Locha

I didn't realize how the day just zoomed by. Was super busy the whole day but when I think of writing what I did, I really can't think of much. Got a big bug out of ViewZ. Worked more on the PMP and URF. Ya I know, it doesn't make sense, but I am just noting them down, so you can skip this part.

The range of feelings that I felt today was unrealistic, I surprised myself too at times and now I am in a state of void. Its probably Enigma in the background that has led to this situation :) I gave it a lot of thought. But I think repeating the same mistake twice is nothing but foolishness. And I also know that I'll think the complete opposite of what I have decided today and it'll seem logical too. Basically, I think I am screwed for sometime to come. A sense of numbness sets in at times, a feel of losing control, but then what am i really losing? How can it be so difficult to control one's own brain? End of the day scientifically speaking that's all there is. "Chemical Locha" as shown in Munnabhai.

Its funny how nothing seems to clear up. I am contradicting myself every moment. I was so sure of everything just a few days back. And now suddenly, everything is swirling around - like a ball of confused cloud. There is just one thought I am still sure of but ironically that is the singular thought that needs to be destroyed. It is that whose destruction holds the key to the settling down of the rest.

It all must sound like a load of gibberish but thats how my thoughts are right now. A load of gibberish. And who is to be blamed for all of it? That's a million dollar question. And yet so simple. The self can create or destroy itself. But who control's the self. Why doesn't the "I" listen to me? How do I merge the "I" with myself? Because its damn difficult to make it walk the path I think it should in order to save itself from it's own destruction.