All in the game

Its really difficult to write on saturdays and sundays. Partially because I have comparatively a lot more variety of experiences and interactions. Weekdays are mostly dedicated to work and then you can just think about a certain thing and write. But not so on weekends. There are like a million thoughts teeming in my head. I think I really need to learn how to meditate, calm myself and streamline my thoughts.

Human emotions really amaze me because of the level of complexities. And out of all that, the one which is the most complicated I think, is love. I think initially, when humans were planning out words for emotions, love (its a little funny because I am not equipped to say the set of emotions that I am thinking about under the category love) baffled them. So they just wrapped them all in to a single word "Love". What do you feel for your parents? Love. Why do you want to give away your life for this person? Love. Why do you miss your siblings? Love! You must treat everyone with Love. Its crazy!! Get different words for all these different feelings!

That doesn't end the complication or the misery. Love can suddenly become obsession where you lose track of the whole thing. Let us say you like a girl (I am using a girl cause it'll help me explain it better). Now you start getting feelings for her which is very different from the way you feel about others. I am not sure about this but I think I might be. Hear me out. Let us say what you are feeling is love. Now under this situation, you start to think of ways to make her happy. Now it may happen that the poor soul has no idea whatsoever and even if she does, she tells you that she has no similar intentions. But then you realize that your feelings never had a pre-condition. You felt the way you felt without anybody's permission or approval. That I think is unconditional love. Where in there isn't a prior condition for you to start loving someone. Now if the girl feels the same for you then nothing like it. But the pickle is what if she doesn't? There are a number of ways that things can move ahead.

1. You can continue to love her unconditionally but never let her know that. Never do anything that your partner would appreciate in a relationship but not if you are not in one. Just make sure she isn't uncomfortable. Because you would ideally want her to be happy cause you love her. But the question arises. What about you? What about your feelings? Isn't it human to feel negative when you don't get the same response? It is. And if such a thing happens, get out! Simple reason being that this sacred unconditional love that you had for her will suddenly be parched with negativity, lies and conditions. It'll make this beautiful thing very ugly and you would be the one responsible for it.

2. You can try and be her friend. But are you strong enough for that? Can you convert your feelings to something platonic? Will you be able to see her with another person? Someone else getting all the things that you craved day and night for? Are you God? Are you? I think it's possible only if you no longer love her or you have managed to cut those hands off that grab your heart and pull it making it feel heavy and you, breathless. This is very difficult and probably the best end to the failed love story. But its difficult for us mere mortals. It takes a lot of time or if you meet someone who can make you feel the same for her again. But then its difficult to meet someone when you don't want to meet someone. (I am not at all talking about a rebound. Its a lame attempt which just leads to a lot more people getting hurt)

3. Or you just get obsessed with her. You cannot take a "no" for an answer. You see yourself like those movie heroes where the girl gets "pataoed" because of the guys excessive force of emotions (i don't know how else to put it :P ) You start messaging her 50 messages a day. Mail her 10 times. Call her maybe 58 times. Try and stop her on the road. Basically make her life a living hell. She thinks about you all the time but cringes at the thought of you. You make her feel angry, scared and helpless which leads her to fall sick, spiral into depression. How do you justify your acts to yourself? Do you think she'll ever want to be with you? How foolish can you be to think that? How does this scenario end? I don't know. But if something is not done then things can turn extremely nasty.

4. You could just cut off all connections, bear the pain, seed some negativity and hatred for her and try to get her out of your mind. Very difficult, specially when you can't find anything to hate about her, specially if she has never done anything wrong, never tried to take advantage of your feelings for her. Then its just plain will power. You may have to convince yourself a lot but this will probably get you over her. I don't know whether the fire ever is put out this way. Something tell me its just a forceful way to put it out which basically just turns dormant and in time will come back again to confuse you and make you suffer.

There maybe more scenarios, I don't know. But it's all in the game of love. I don't think a lot of though went into defining love. It just makes humans a confused lot. Confusing a bunch of feelings as love, getting hurt, hurting others, making a mess of the whole thing.