Ok! Nobody think!................ Splaaaat!!!

I want to learn the technique to switch my brain off, close my eyes and drift off. I think it would solve a lot of my problems. I have been attempting to meditate for quite a long time but failed miserably. Every time I try not to think, I seem to start thinking more! Following is how my meditation attempts go. I close my eyes, lie on the bed and the thought flow goes something like this...

"Hmmm... Ok! So I am not supposed to think anything at all... Lets try concentrating on breathing... Inhale... Exhale... Inhale... Exhale... take deep breaths! Inhale... Exhale... Damn I feel my head pressured... this is not working... Inhale... Exhale... Lets count... 1... 2... 3... should i count sheep? Arey bhai! That is when you want to sleep, not meditate! Count again... Inhale... Exhale... arey not breathing... count.... 1... 2... 3... Heads really feeling heavy... am i meditating already?.... but should i not feel lighter?... ok lets try the school wala technique... concentrate on a flame.... flame.. flame... khaali flame? or should i have a candle beneath it? Maybe a lamp? Oi! flame is quivering because of wind! kaminey! stop thinking... sheesh! I think i should just sleep..."

One more attempt failed miserably! It is so damn difficult not to think when you don't want to think. Now try not thinking about a topic that you are troubled by. You end up thinking the most about it :)

Was watching Hitchhiker's Guide and there is a place called Vogonosphere where our main characters go to rescue a girl. The thing about that place is you get smacked in the face by these invisible things from the ground if you think, or an idea comes to your head. A fly swatter type of a thing springs up from the ground and smacks you in the face if any thoughts, imagination or theory comes to your mind. Super hilarious. And once they figure out why they are being hit, they try not to think and get smacked silly!

I think I need something like that. When I push the I don't want to think button, this thing gets activated and smacks me every time I think. Maybe I'll just be beaten unconscious and would stop thinking! :D That's quite a plan. I think I have actually switched off my brain! I should sleep...