Shades of Gray

Was an extremely boring day. Extremely!!! Let me just put down a few lines that hit me early in the morning today.

You see the stars, I see the light of day,
both on course, in our own silly way,
I see it black, its white you say,
maybe its neither, but just shades of gray

Writing everyday, no matter what, has actually improved my thought process I think. I feel as if a little of my old self is coming back :) Next assignment is to restart painting.

I think I can extend upon the above 4 lines, but just don't feel like thinking right now.

Now here's an observation that I have recently made. Well actually I have cribbed about it earlier too but my dear friends are a useless lot and have conveniently ignored my pleas. I haven't seen this habit in guys, its mostly girls who are this psychotic. A lot of guys are not good with dates. There are exceptions and I know a few of them (bloody pain in the ass) but generally we tend to forget. It's a big issue for me. I forget dates and at times even names. I could be introducing someone without the slightest idea of what his/her name is. I would be, "... and this is... this is.... ummm... this is....". By the third "this is", the person mostly introduces himself/herself after giving me a you-stupid-ass look. :P

A few of my friends purposely remove their date of births from all the community sites so that they can
1. Crib if someone forgets (Me and I am sure there are more)
2. Threaten with all the girly manipulative ways
3. Gain sadistic pleasure out of my misery

Man! I mean is it so important to remember the dates? Is it? Well maybe it is but come on! Well I know I am just shouting it out and hitting my head on the wall but it's seriously painful. I guess I probably need to store the following details :
1. Date of Birth
2. Anniversary (Since a lot of them are getting married now)
3. Spouse's Name (I am so glad that a few friends understand that it is not always possible to remember the spouse's name)
4. Kid's names (once they start having them)

I think I should start practicing this asap.

You are hopeless! Why don't you get married?

The only highlight of the day was that nothing happened and the World Cup started (yaaaawwwn!! whatever!). Apart from that, had a sudden stroke of brilliance and came up with this:

Stay behind me, my shadow,
For you darken my road ahead
Walk with me, my conjoined twin
There's a lot to be heard and said

You surrounded me in times of light
There were many more of you
But where were you when the nights were longer
When I really needed you.

Pretty painful right? Ya I know! Lets lighten up the air a bit tonight.

I read this somewhere quite a long time back. Its about the sad story of man and his contorted connection with the word "Bachelor". He goes through a painful journey to attain bachelorhood (his bachelor's degree) only to realize that he has to now go through an even more difficult path of losing his bachelorhood (his bachelor status). The daft bloke had no idea that his days of joy after attaining his bachelors would be so short lived. Yours truly is currently in the phase of attempting to lose his bachelorhood or should I say, is being forced into giving it up under very unfavourable circumstances.

The process began almost two and a half years ago and has gone through various levels of foul attempts and phases. My parents have attempted sweet talking, logic, external influence, anger, brainwashing, emotional blackmail and various different techniques to get me married off. There have been times of heightened activity (bride search - conducted by dad, assisted by mom), gaps of dormancy (reverse psychology applied here) and phases of stealth search (I was unaware of it happening).

I have tried all evil ways to avoid the subject and at times have deliberately jeopardized their evil plans. There was a time when I rejected using a certain sequence. My dad would show me photos and I would be like "no, na na not possible, not this please, she is so not what she says, i don't like her, i'd rather die, are you crazy?, no, na na not possible..." and the loop continued. Soon my Dad found out about my sequence and generally attempted a method of "clearing my false aspirations and hopes about my future partner". In short, "Izzat-ka-kachda" happened.

While my Dad has been trying a direct approach of scaring the shit out of me and making me give in (a procedure often followed by the police on criminals), my Mom has been far less conspicuous about the whole thing. She is more of the subtle type which makes her all the more dangerous. I have absolutely no idea how but she somehow manages to connect every possible subject to my marriage. A few examples would clarify the situation:

Me: You know mom, I was thinking of buying a dog.
Mom: And who is going to take care of it? Get married first and then your wife can take care of it. We will not say no.

Mom: Help me out in the kitchen
Me: Are you crazy? Do you know how much time you'll spend undoing the things I do and then redoing them?
Mom: I wish I had a daughter. She would be more helpful and understanding than you are. And you won't even marry x-( ! Atleast I would have then understood how it would be to have a daughter. :(
Me: Huh!? (In my mind - How the hell did the conversation lead here?)

Mom: Your Dad is the biggest pain in my life. 
Me: Huh? What happened?
Mom: How am I to get any work done if he keeps asking for tea every hour?
Me: Aren't you habituated after 29 years of marraige?
Mom: How long am I supposed to keep doing this? And you won't even marry x-( ! Your wife could have helped me a bit. You are absolutely useless and may I add, hopeless!
Me: (Blank look on my face and wondering what the "F" just happened) What?
Dad: (Walks in cluelessly) What happened? What's the problem?
Me: (turning to dad) Grrrrr....


Mom: There is good news
Me: Really? what?
Mom: X's son Y is getting married to Z. Y found Z on his own. X was a little hesitant in the beginning but at the end it is Y and Z who will spend their lives together. We are attending on (a particular date). Don't plan anything else.
Me: Ok
Mom: Why don't you try something similar? "Internet mein nahi milti kya?" They met on some site.
Me: "Haan milti hai na, Rs 50 per kilo, lau kya?"
Mom: Shut up! You can't even find a girl for yourself. Absolutely hopeless. Why don't you get married?


So that's how most of my talks with mom happens nowadays. There are a million more examples but they all end the same way, "You are hopeless. Why don't you get married?" Such is the sorry life I am leading.

So, my future wife, if you are reading this, please come out from wherever it is you are hiding. Lets just get this misery done with. I am sure you're story is somewhat similar too.

Questions

I have set a new personal record. Its been one month since I have been blogging and I have actually managed to continue :) I may be speaking too soon but I think I'll be able to continue, now that I am actually enjoying writing every night.

Work is going good given the fact that the documentation tends to get boring, but  have promised myself that I'll put the process in place this time. I had said I would, a couple of years back during my first appraisal. I think its finally due now. Plan to work a little on the architecture tomorrow. Now that the work is simpler, it shouldn't be that difficult.

How can I save you
when its you who saved me?

How can I judge you
with a jury before me?

Who am I to say what you need
its my point of view in the end

How can I be your lover
when i cannot be your friend?

Will time wipe you off like it does
from my life and from my heart?

When will I reach the end?
When there is no beginning to start?

What should I do to keep you safe
from this monster that I see?

How do I slay it?
When the monster is me?

The Nightingale

You've broken her so bad, you fuckin' fool
She hides behind her smiles and plays it cool

She thinks before she feels, no matter what I say
She's gathered her pieces, and hidden them away

Eyes of brown, myriad shades of life
How deep is this abyss? how deep do i dive?

You all have pushed her down, down so deep
She looks and searches, but me, she can't see

There's absolutely nothing, nothing more to do
Blame myself a bit, blame you a little too

We'll never know what could have been
A world of our own, a life I had seen

I love my life, I'll live it too
But she wouldn't be there, to see it through.