Lucky Charm

** Beware! A really Long post!**

Back home for the weekend. I am usually back before I know I am gone. If I look at it, I spend 3 nights in Bombay, while 4 in Pune. Not a bad ratio at all but the problem is that as a result of this I am not really able to settle in one place. Its like I am always on the move, half my stuff in one place while the rest in the other. I need to fix it but maybe after sometime. Once my folks get a little used to not living with me around.

Have finally started playing badminton regularly at work. Dunno how long it will work out. I guess I am happy as long as I am not shifted to some other office. The current group has become pretty comfortable. All the guys are fun and peaceful.

My folks are suddenly shaken and stirred about getting me hitched. With my cousin's marriage coming up next month, I think they are suddenly under pressure. And the fact that my cousin's a couple of days younger than me doesn't really support my cause. :( I never knew my marriage would become such an issue. A few of my aunties feel that my marriage is partially responsible for my Mom's high sugar levels. Go figure! I remember about a couple of years back, they suddenly got all excited about my marriage. The endless ritual of them looking up photos, me rejecting, they screaming, me screaming, they promising never to look for another girl, they forgetting the promise the very next day and the whole cycle repeating again.

I was pretty surprised at their intensity of wanting to get me married. I know them and it was not just the standard concern about their son's marriage, their was something more to it. I figured the mystery out as an accidental side-effect of my visit to an astrologer. Why I went to see one is a totally different story for another occasion. I found out that according to my charts, my luck is supposed to brighten after marriage. Ya I know! I, too, had a smile on my face, not one of "what-the-fuck?" look but "I-have-always-known-that" look. I shall explain myself later. My mother knew about this little trivia cause she believes in astrologers and she had consulted a few and I think all of them pointed this thing out to her. All this got her all hyperactive about my marriage.

Once I found out the problem, I was able to explain things a little more logically to her. Something that calmed her and also brought a miniscule amount of peace in my life. The problem with astrologers is that at times they just say things that they interpret. They really don't try and explain it. I have for quite sometime realized and believed that I am at my best when I am in love. It gets me high, excited and active about life. I am a pretty creative guy and do what I love doing. Inspiration drives me and fortunately or unfortunately love inspires me. I am by myself pretty satisfied with life as it is but they say satisfied people never grow. But when in love, my partner (and in some cases potential partner) inspires me to do things that I would not do for myself but for her. And the best part is, so far none of them have had to do much to inspire me. Their mere existence did the trick for me. I realized long back that a stable relationship is my lucky charm, a horse shoe, a four leaved clover or whatever it is that you may want to call it. So when I heard about my luck changing after marriage, I wasn't surprised at all. I always knew that I would do a lot of stuff to make my partner happy and make our lives better. I don't know if its called change of luck but it definitely means growth. But all this depends on the fact that I need to be in love. Its not about marriage but its about love. And that's what I explained to my mom. I told her that the marriage will not change my luck, its the girl who will. So its necessary that I marry the girl I love (or love the girl I marry, though I don't know if I should risk 2 lives for that scenario to work out).

It wasn't an easy conclusion to come to but I have analysed it and I know it works. At a point, I felt that this would mean that my life would depend a lot on how my partner turns out to be. I know I would be handing out a lot of control but then thats me. I know it. I could either deal with it or live in a state of denial. I chose the former.

I was very small when I had my first crush and she helped me learn the most important lesson in life. She was the reason that I got through my "I-Hate-Girls!" phase and also realized that girls did not exist only to harass guys and were not icky. :P

I was in school when I first fell in love. She taught me what it felt to be in love and how good it was to have someone around. My attendance in school improved thanks to her existence and so did my grades.

The next girl I fell in love taught me a lot of things. Taught me that its very difficult for a guy/gal to be best friends when hints of attraction creep in. I learnt from my relationship with her that at times even though everything you imagine seems perfect and they seem meant to be, they don't. And at times, no matter how much you try to fix things, some problems are not yours to fix. And that no matter how long you wait for things to change, somethings will never change when they need to.

The next relationship was a rocky one. She taught me some of the not so rosy things in life. Never really got into the love phase with her but I learnt never to go against my gut feelings. I also learnt that relationships cannot work without communication and the more you suppress the worse is the explosion at the end. Also learnt that a little positive change in people's lives can change them a lot. Most important thing I figured was that its the only life you have. Do not take shit from no one.

I think I really understood what it means to be in love with the last girl. She changed my life and sort of launched it to a different orbit. Ironically she had no clue about it or failed to understand. I learnt to control my anger, appreciated the power of open communication and the need to be more responsible. Her existence inspired me to do a lot of creative stuff and for a while I understood what it meant to love unconditionally. She made me want to challenge myself. Really was a phenomenal period.

All my relationships taught me various things about life and myself and each one of them gave me a nudge into becoming who I am today. And by what I hear, they have done a decent job on me :)