The camera that wasn't

Sometimes I wish, I had a camera as a kid, to capture moments, places that keep flashing in my head. They are imprinted in my head but time fades away the details. The little things slowly disappear. Photographs help in remembering them. I wish I had photos of Kaji House in Kalimpong, of the tree in the garden outside, which used to be my favourite hang-out spot (literally... it had an awesome branch which was perfect to hang on to and do acrobatics on). I don't even have photos of my dogs I had then, the first one was called Mickey and the second Julie. Julie lived a long happy life and was my favourite. The beauty of Kanchenjunga on a full moon night is something thats in my head but I can never explain its beauty to anyone nor show it. Unless I am lucky enough to spend another night in Kalimpong on such a clear full moon night.

I remember how my Dad returned with one slipper on while the other was washed down the stream near our house while he was trying to cross it. The rains had turned the sad little stream into a furious water force. I remember the bottle-brush tree in which there was a wasp's nest and on a fateful day I poked it with a huge bamboo and was chased all over the compound and bitten in quite a few places. I remember our farms on which I spent my weekends digging, looking for treasure (it all started because I had managed to somehow find a silver chinese coin while helping my caretaker prepare a part of the land to plant maize). We also grew peas, carrots, pumpkins, squash, bitter-gourd, tomatoes and chillies.

Mom used a wooden stove to cook food. It was a huge place made of mud, with a large storage place for wood right above it. I used to love sitting in front of it and warm myself during the winters. Unfortunately, I can never see those moments again but just try and remember them as long as I can till the day I can't remember them to miss them anymore.

Mind it!

The mind is an amazing piece of work isn't it? It can churn out revolutionary concepts, life saving ideas, inventions beyond belief and at the same time such earth shattering, mind boggling crap that you start doubting the existence of intelligence!

Everything originates within the confinement of the 1.4kg of gray matter. What you sense, what you feel, how you behave, how you react, your judgement, everything! Its amazing if you really think about it. There are numerous books, researches and movies on the topic of the brain and how it works or how it can be made to work, manipulated at times. I think Matrix was the first movie which made me start wondering about the mind. The part where Morpheus explains Neo the concept of reality was enlightening! True, isn't it? What we see, hear, sense is after all just signals our brain intercepts and interprets. Then whats all the fuss about reality? If your brain can be fooled, then you are just a chassis.

Which leads us to the next question that, if its all in the brain, then what about the "I"? Am I just the brain or the rest of me matters? When I talk about myself, am I talking about my brain or is there something more to me than that. For a moment lets not talk about the soul, since "scientifically" speaking it is still not accepted that a soul exists. That leaves us pretty much with just a brain. So if a person falls in love with another person, he is basically falling in love with the brain? If you can learn to control your brain, it means you can learn to control yourself. But then how does the brain learn to control its own self? Control isn't natural right? Disorder is.

I told you! The mind can really come up with a lot of crap! :)

Weird little habits

I am pretty oblivious to a lot of things happening in the house. My mother recently told me that the washing machine was making a lot of sound, which I very conveniently filtered out and acknowledged with a slight nod of head and a "hmm..." while merrily typing away on my computer. She immediately understood that I hadn't heard what she had just said. I think she made a sarcastic comment on my "not-listening" habit but I did not hear that either.

The other day Dad called me at work to remind me about something I had said I would do when I heard this weird sound in the background. It sounded like a child wailing after being forcefully fed a glass of bitter-gourd (Karela) juice. And it was a periodic sound. I asked my Dad where he was and which kid was making such a ruckus. Dad quietly replied, "It's not a kid, it's the washing machine. Your Mom's washing clothes." I decided we needed to get a new washing machine. And that's what we did today.

Every family has their weird little habits, just like every house has a feeling of its own. I don't know if you have noticed, but whenever you go to a house for the first time, you'll experience a different feeling. Every house has a smell and vibe of its own. You'll notice that in some houses you feel comfortable as soon as you step in while in some houses you feel a little uncomfortable and alien. I think this vibe or energy is actually a part of the people living in the house. And the process of "making a house a home", I feel, is what makes the difference. The little things that make a home, including the little weirdness that each family develops.

We have this habit of collecting plastic bottles of soft drinks and juices for storing drinking water. Its not like we are cheap guys who don't want to buy proper water bottles. We have a lot of them too, including (overpriced) Tupperware bottles. But we just end up storing water in bottles of Coke, Fanta and a variety of juice bottles, sizes varying from 2 L bottles to 300 ml pet bottles.

This weekend, I told my Dad, we need to do something about this. It looks sad. Pathetic looking bottles all over the place. We decided to throw them all out. We threw approximately 15 bottles out. I noticed today, we still have around 6 remaining. I realized some things are meant to be. There is no point in trying to change them :) but an occasional clean-up is required so that it can be messed up again.

Shutter Island

Its been a good weekend so far :) and I still have Sunday left. Worked a little on my site after ages! I have been staring at the screen for 15 mins and I don't know what to write. I think I should call it a day and attempt writing tomorrow again. Watched Kartik Calling Kartik and Shutter Island.

Shutter Island was awesome! Seriously crazy movie. A Martin Scorsese film. Pretty well done and gripping. Leo was good and so was Ben Kingsley.

Wishful thinking?

I had once written about how sometimes when we really wish strongly, things happen. It was proved again today. Call it a coincidence but truly speaking I really don't care because I felt very happy at the news.

Our family has had a tradition of taking "Diksha" from spiritual leaders of their choice. I have heard that my grandparents had taken their diksha from swamijis of Ramkrishna Mission. The idea is that you choose a Guru who is wise in the ways of spiritualism and then you take diksha from him and learn from him. Try and follow the path of simplicity and yet lead a worldly life. My Dad hated the idea of joining the Ramkrishna Mission as he spent most of his childhood life in missionary schools where he developed a disliking for all swamijis.

My mom on the other hand had always been religious and as a result believing in the ideas and paths of spiritualism albeit the channel was different. During our stay in Hyderabad, we came in contact with one such spiritual leader, a lady. The first time I saw her, the thing that came to my mind was that she looked very much like my granny (maternal). It struck my mom too and I do not know how but they developed an instant rapport with each other. My mother had been troubled with things and the lady helped her a lot during that time. My mother decided to take Diksha from her and make her, her guru. During those days, my spiritual level wasn't that high but I used to like talking to her. So when my mom suggested that I take diksha from her, I agreed.

Lately, as is evident from my blog, I have been going through some changes and have been thinking about a lot of stuff. I had been contemplating talking to her about it but didn't want to do so over the phone. Unfortunately she stays very far away (Agartala). But I had thought that I would make a trip and spend sometime with her during the break between my job change. Well that plan didn't really materialize but I really did want to meet her.

I spoke to her a few days back and was telling her that I wanted to meet her but it seems it is not happening very soon. She asked me to meet her in August end when she would be in Calcutta, but that would not be possible as I am supposed to be joining the new place then. Today my Dad gets a call from her surprisingly and she says that something has come up and she will be coming to Bombay in the first week of August. I was extremely happy. Couldn't actually believe that it was actually happening. But then again I really wanted to meet her. I think the wishing worked.

By the way, it was her idea that no matter what, I should keep the habit of writing. Said it would help me understand and realize a lot of things, my own thoughts. I must say it helped :)

Taj Mahal

The Taj has fascinated me ever since I was a kid, partially because we had a tiny replica of it and partly because it is so popular all over the world that it is a symbol of the country. Talk about Paris, the Eiffel Tower comes to mind, mention egypt and the sphinx falshes before you. Taj is exactly the same for India.

Most people I know had seen the Taj. Worse was the feeling when my I realized that each and every foreigner with whom I spoke about India and who have visited India had seen the Taj. Its a pathetic feeling to hear about places in your own country from foreigners and not getting an opportunity to see it. After years of lamenting and "I-really-want-to-see-the-Taj!" statements I finally had an opportunity to see it in October 2009 when I managed to make a trip to Delhi and places around it.

To tell you the truth, I was extremely unimpressed with Agra and the approach to the Taj. Small roads, traffic, crowd, dirty and pretty pathetic. Its highly possible that the road we had taken was the worst of the city but it was a one day trip and we had planned Fatehpur Sikri and Taj on the same day. So it was a pretty hurried trip.

It was supposed to be a full moon on the day we had visited. Now, I am not sure whether Taj is open to tourists for a longer period of time on days of full moon but that is what we heard. Though the timings mentioned at the counter said otherwise. The queue was HUGE, both for the ticket and entrance. Was amused to see the foreigners being charged super high, not that I cared. I would have probably, had I come to see it with a few :)

I was happy to see that they don't allow cigarettes, matches inside the premises. My Dad on the other hand wasn't. I just laughed at his sorry face when they threw his pack in the dustbin. God knows how many times I have wanted to do it :)

The main entrance or the Great gate as it is called was massive with intricate designs and patterns inscribed all over it. The geometric patterns and designs are so beautifully carved that it really mesmerizes you. The thing which really surprises me when I see these old buildings is the level of detail and the consistency. A wall filled with a particular shape seems flawless. Each unit shape is exactly similar to the next. I do not know how they managed to do it. But the scene which took my breath away was the following

I was spell bounded! There were hundreds of people around me but they simply disappeared. I felt as if it was just me and the Taj. Such was its beauty. And as I walked (rather pushed and pulled) into the garden past the entrance, I just felt peaceful. I realized that it was so much more than I had imagined. It just seemed mesmerizing. I have heard people say that its turning black and this and that and blah... blah! But at that moment nothing mattered. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and there was no doubt in my mind about it.

The only problem was that it was super crowded and once I got over the initial wonderment, I needed to get good photos of the place. I also wanted to see it up close but my parents weren't that interested as they had already seen it before and they had no intentions of standing in a queue to see the inside. I, on the other hand decided that I would see as much as possible. I went up and stood in a queue which was unbelievably long. The queue had completely circled the Taj and when I had joined the line I was near Taj's entrance. Which basically meant that I would have to take a complete circle before entering. I did not give up though a part of me really wanted to get out of there.

I went in saw the resting place of Mumtaz, though didn't find it that impressive. The work on the marble was awesome but couldn't take good photos (it was actually not allowed) due to lack of light.

I had a lot of time to see the Taj from its four sides while standing in the line. The work is really magnificent and I read that the Taj was actually adorned with precious stones. Though its just colour now.

I tried to capture the grandeur of the Taj in the following photo but I don't think its posible to capture its beauty. You really need to go there and see it. That is the bottom line :)

I came back to see mom and dad sitting on a quieter part of the ground on a bench waiting for me. I went and joined them. I had decided that I needed to visit the Taj with more time in hand. I would have loved to just sit and look at it for a while but we were running out of time and we needed to get back to Delhi.

This was the view I saw from where we sat. There was a lot of things running through my mind then. Things were happening and had just initiated before my trip began. What better place than the Taj to sit and mull over stuff?

Before leaving the place, made a small promise to myself. Next time I come here I am coming with the girl I love. :)

Unhygienix

My stomach has gone through such torture all my life that I am sure it has already reached its half-life by now. I think it's a little radioactive too by now :D I have trained my stomach to digest a lot of stuff, including a variety of meat and vegetables. Not to forget adulterated oil and crappy vanaspati ghee. The torture mainly began in college followed by my stint at Baroda.

College food was a culinary disaster and the hygiene was something we tried our best not to investigate. There were basically 2 tastes. Taste of the dal and taste of the rest. What I mean is apart from the dal everything tasted the same. Whether it was chicken, fish or brinjal, they all tasted exactly the same. And we occasionally found  insects in the food but seriously speaking, they are after all bio-degradable. If we saw it, we just took it out and continued eating. Never really bothered us much.

Baroda was another story. Attempted a tiffin service, but soon realized that I was flushing down the food more often than initially planned. And then I just started eating out (after attempting to cook on my own). The problem with cooking is that though it was the healthiest alternative and my cooking was not life-threatening, but the effort was too much and I really don't like cooking. I am more of the eating type :D Appreciate good food and good cooks. Eating out in a vegetarian state basically means that I ended up eating Paneer most of the days and by the end of my stay there, I am sure I had developed a layer of oil in my stomach.

I do face stomach problems once in a while but I have this crazy idea that I can survive any food, with absolutely no issues with the level of hygiene. I wanted to test it again today and so went to this seriously sidey joint at powai. It is sort of a galla where one can get teas and snacks. The idea was to get a samosa-pav. I have eaten there before, but today I decided, I would check out hte hygiene level of the place.

First thing I noticed was that covering food was a myth to them and everything was basically kept in the open. Did I mention that this shop is on the newly built Powai freeway facing the road? By the time I had ifnish deciding what I wanted I realized that my table was still not cleaned. Now, if you have eaten in roadside dhabas, you must be aware of how water is served. They use the finger-dip process, ie they carry around 5 glasses held in such a way that their finger tips are just touching the water surface. I decided to opt out of drinking water there. I also realized that they were using the same cloth for drying their hands and the plates. And I did catch them wiping the serving area with the same cloth too. My heart had started palpitating but I had decided that I would not let it faze me. The dude then cleaned his hand with the cloth mentioned above and grabbed a pav and samosa. Put some extremely questionable chutney on it and served. I wanted to run away but I was on a mission. I somehow managed to eat it and got myself a bottled milk to wash it down.

Fortunately, I am still alive to post this incident and my stomach hasn't picketed against my experimentation. I am not sure if I'll go there again but it felt good to realize that I can still stomach extremely unhygienic food which basically means throw me any place and I will not go hungry :D